It's been a long time...

Since I've written an entry like this one... *messed up*

What do you do? What do you do when you do something... that you know will cause things to turn out the way you fear them to be? When what you do is against all rationality?

Everything was just so wierd.

Went painting the whole week and have quite a few nice pieces. The teacher was happy with a few of mine... and simply didn't understand when I didn't get some paintings right. But he was such a nice old man.. and for the first time in my life... I stepped on Pulau Ubin. WHOA.. It's like another world man. But the ferry terminal at Changi V is a lot nicer... the boats aren't though.

And they make us go through this stupid machine... and everyone who walks through... it beeps and makes and alarm sound thingy but the policeman just waves us through... THEN WHAT FOR??!

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At times this week, I felt so useless... everyone in class had at least one piece to be proud of and I just couldn't. I just couldn't get the colours, the perspective right... I was so slow I did only one piece a day when everyone else did two. I just kept going over and over... I was so upset I was close to tears... yet I couldn't cry... I even advised my friends on what to do.

And I had no one to tell. No one to confide in how useless I felt.

And finally after 3-4 days, I drew something that earned some praises... I got home and my parents loved it too. I was so excited. So so so happy and all I wanted was to show to you.

You seemed at excited to see at first... but in the end got angry at me. I didn't know. Didn't know you were so hungry... but it was only for a few minutes... in the end you took an hour to decide what to eat..

You know when I saw my painting again... all I wanted to do was to smash it.

After that... it seemed like nothing I drew was good. It was all rubbish. Not even I could bring myself to like it. It was all wrong.
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What is love?

Is love dying for your partner and letting her live a life without you? or
Is it letting her go so that you will live the pain of a life without her?

Is love hanging on, no matter what? or
Letting the person go?

What my friend says is right though...
We'll never know which is the correct route to take.

I guess... just do what your heart tells you to. Yeh?