Marry me?

Today a good friend of Bobo's told her that she's gotten married. Well, that'll make her the 3rd on this year and it's only February. Bobo attended 4 friends' weddings last year and did not attend 3 others.

Yup. She's officially at the age where every one from her primary school days to her colleagues are getting married. It's that time of her life. Every one's been through that or is going through that isn't it?

After the "When's your turn?", "When are you getting married?" stage there's always the "When are you going to have babies?" and after the first baby, there's always questions about the 2nd, 3rd, 4th..... Unless you intend to get eight at a go. :P

You know.. in our culture, we are often "expected" to take care of our parents. And when we get married, we "gain" another set of parents and we get our own children. Then we get into the vicious cycle of taking care of both parents and children but when it's our turn to age, we can't take care of ourselves properly.

People think... But I buy insurance all that for retirement wat.. so I'm financially independent.

Is that right? Did you check how much you will get at the end? $100k? $200k? at what age? 45? 50? 55? with another good 30 years to go.... 200k works out to $2 per day. Most people use up so much of their CPF buying homes, upgrading... that they can barely make the Minimum Sum when they retire. And the minisum sum as of now is only 90k. WHICH Bobo's sure that everyone realises it's not enough now.

So what's the only way? it's to make sure you are financially independent and "release" your kids from the vicious cycle.

As for Bobo... she's now single. She's thinking of not getting into the cycle at all. Not getting married and not having children seems like the only real way out.

Supporting parents is not just about money... it's about giving them the time and energy too. It's easy to say that you can manage when your parents are independent physically in their fifties and sixties. But the time will come when they aren't. And if you're married, you can't be by their side all the time unless you live with them. AND if you live with them, with your partner and your kids, that could easily result in more stress and conflict at home, especially with an elderly unwell.

Hands up, those married readers who see their parents more than twice a week, support both sets of parents and their own children successfully... How many of you can actually confidently put up your hands?

When Bobo watched "Money No Enough 2" she cried and cried as she watched the characters push their mother around, making her move from place to place.... how helpless the mother was and yet how much she loved them despite being so senile. It happens all the time around us in Singapore. Don't just say it's a show... it happens a lot. The ending was very dramatic where there was only enough blood for one person but both the character's mom and child needed the blood... and the mom sacrificed to let her grandchild live. Dramatic.. but it's often true too. People take good care of their own kids, buy them whatever they want and move just so their kids get into good schools. Yet... parents often get neglected.

Bobo doesn't want. Doesn't want to have to choose one day. She doesn't want to shortchange her parents... nor her children... nor her partner. She can't get married.

Bobo told this to a good friend.. the friend scolded her and asked her what she would do when her parents leave...

"But I'll still have friends right? It's ok."